I've been on the go since September and as I write this I wonder when and if I'll ever slow down. I feel like those new alarm clocks that roll off the nightstand when they go off. I'm rolling away from the one person who will turn off my anxiousness and give me rest. Why am I running away from the peace of God? Why am I in such a hurry all the time?
..I'm a kitchen timer impatiently waiting for the cake to be finished without marveling over the beauty of watching it cook. In my eyes I think I'm the dog wagging it's tail waiting for the Master to throw the bone.... when in reality I'm just a dog without a leash. I'm an unbridled sinner running around, thinking I know what I should do next. Thank God I have an Owner who has everything under control and doesn't even need to get off His throne to tame my wild heart. His loving voice calls me back...and I lay at His feet and wait.
There is no need to hurry. My head has known this for a while, but God is just now teaching my heart. If you know me at all, you know my life can be summed up in one word: spontaneous. I like to get up and go. I thrive on newness. I love change. I love adventure. I get this overwhelming urge to act spontaneously and I have to do it or else I think I'm going to die. hah.
But Isaiah 28:6 says "He who believes shall not be in haste". The Lord is never in haste..and I've been learning this quality should mark His people as well. Jan Johnson says " The thief's voice, unlike God's voice, threatens and intimidates on the basis of fear: if you don't do this, you'll be sorry. It may order you or try to force you to do things. It is often urgent and pressing, sermonizing and demeaning: Do this now! If you wait, all will be lost!"
So many times I think if I don't do something now, I'll never get to do it again. But love is patient,and if the Lord wills something to happen, you better believe it will come to pass.
I lived on the fourth floor of the ministry and it seemed like every time I was in a rush, one of the little girls, Joshna, would stop me on the way down the stairs and say "one second sista, one second!" She would make me bend down to her level, cup her hands together and whisper in my ear "I love you". And you know what, God does the same thing. We run around like the story is about us, when all He wants from us is to be still long enough for Him to whisper in our ear His adoration for us. It's a terrible thing to run around with your head down, feeling hurried to make a decision that isn't even rooted in confidence- when all along there was Someone with a greater perspective waiting for you to bend down so He could cup His hands together and whisper "I lead your life.. I don't push you... wait for me". We rush around because we think the story is about gaining money and success and security... but the truth is, it all comes down to relationships. And in particular, our relationship with Christ. We were designed to live through something, not to attain something, so what's the hurry?
